Funny Stories
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Stranded Engineer
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A rather inhibited engineer finally
splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It
was the "craziest" thing he had ever
done in his life.
Just as he was beginning to enjoy
himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship,
capsizing it like a child's toy.
Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a
life preserver, managed to wash ashore
on a secluded island.
Outside of beautiful scenery, a
spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was
little else. He lost all hope and for
hours on end, sat under same palm tree. One
day, after several months had passed,
a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat
appeared.
"I'm from the other side of the
island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?"
"Yes, I was, " he answered. "But where
did you get that rowboat?"
"Well, I whittled the oars from gum
tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from
palm branches, and made the keel and
stern from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, what did you use for tools?"
asked the man.
"There was a very unusual strata of
alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the
island. I discovered that if I fired
it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's
how I got the tools. But, enough of that," she
said. "Where have you been living all
this time? I don't see any shelter."
"To be honest, I've just been sleeping
on the beach," he said.
"Would you like to come to my place?"
the woman asked. The engineer nodded
dumbly.
She expertly rowed them around to her
side of the island, and tied up the boat with
a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp
topped with a neat back splice. They
walked up a winding stone walk she had
laid and around a Palm tree. There stood
an exquisite bungalow painted in blue
and white.
"It's not much, but I call it home."
Inside, she said, "Sit down please; would you like
to have a drink?"
"No, thanks," said the man. "One more
coconut juice and I'll throw up!"
"It won't be coconut juice," the woman
replied. "I have a crude still out back, so
we can have authentic Pina Coladas."
Trying to hide his amazement, the man
accepted the drink, and they sat down on
her couch to talk. After they had
exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me,
have you always had a beard?"
"No," the man replied, "I was clean
shaven all of my life until I ended up on this
island."
"Well if you'd like to shave, there's
a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."
The man, no longer questioning
anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved
with an intricate bone-and-shell
device honed razor sharp.
Next he showered -- not even
attempting to fathom a guess as to how she
managed to get warm water into the
bathroom -- and went back downstairs. He
couldn't help but admire the
masterfully carved banister as he walked.
"You look great," said the woman. "I
think I'll go up and slip into something more
comfortable."
As she did, the man continued to sip
his Pina Colada. After a short time, the
woman, smelling faintly of gardenias,
returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned
out of pounded palm fronds.
"Tell me," she asked, "we've both been
out here for a very long time with no
companionship. You know what I mean.
Haven't you been lonely, too...isn't there
something that you really, really
miss? Something that all men and woman need?
Something that would be really nice to
have right now!"
"Yes there is!" the man replied,
shucking off his shyness. "There is something I've
wanted to do for so long. But on this
island all alone, it was just...well, it was
impossible."
"Well, it's not impossible, any more,"
the woman said.
The man, practically panting in
excitement, said breathlessly: "You mean... you
actually figured out some way we can
CHECK OUR EMAIL HERE!!??!!"
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Understanding Texan Talk
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Bag : He bagged her not to marry him.
Daintz : Saturday night entertainment.
Dinner : What you eat at noon.
Farred : He got farred from his job.
Mere : What you see yourself in.
Orrel : Them hinges need orrel.
Purdy : She is very purdy.
Rah cheer : I was born rah cheer in Texas.
Rat : Do it rat now.......... <-----
Shar : A light rain.
Thanks : He thanks he's smart.
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You know you're from Colorado if......
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• You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista and Saguache.
• You think there are only 3 seasons: elk, football, and skiing.
• April showers bring May blizzards
• You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look
closer to see if it's someone you know.
• 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been, many times.
• You know who Alferd Packer was.
• SPF 90 is not out of the question.
• People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.
• Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.
• A full moon has never kept you awake.
• You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck.
• Knowing that Texas & California is downstream gives you
a certain feeling of satisfaction.
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Resignation as an adult
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I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of
an 8 year-old again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk
with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can
eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with
my friends
on a hot summer's day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you
knew were colors,
multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother
you, because you
didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware
of all the
things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and
good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly
excited by the
little things again.
I want to live simple again.
I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains
of paperwork,
depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there
is money
in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved
ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth,
justice, peace,
dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills
and my
401K statements.
I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss
this further,
you'll have to catch me first, cause.............."Tag! You're
it."
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Itnersting stduy
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Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod
are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat
ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses
and you can sitll raed wouthit
a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae
the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig, huh?
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Last Updated:
Tue, September 6, 2005 19:07
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8.Cool
